I think I'm still a blogger. I guess by posting this, I'm welcoming myself back into the blogosphere.
I used to blog at my desk at work, during my down time. Then I quit my job to stay home with my favorite little baby, who is just not so little anymore. Who is so busy emptying drawers, cupboards, baskets, eating cheerios, walking around furniture, taking one little half step out on her own, and crawling after me wherever I go.
My blog time plummeted, but my life satisfaction skyrocketed. I regularly have over a hundred posts waiting for me in my google reader. Sometimes I get it down to seventy or so. Of course I have free time, but I also have laundry and dishes, and job hunting. Daniel is spending so much time focusing on school, so I've taken over the initial job applications for him.
When I left my job, I knew Daniel didn't have full time employment. It was a huge leap of faith. I expected things to go a little smoother on that front. People say that babies bring blessings. I don't doubt that, I just had hoped for a specific blessing. When I quit my job, we had a savings account to hold us over for a while until his job came. I guessed we'd have about four months worth of savings.
Hannah is now a few days shy of nine months, and that little savings account has lasted and lasted. I'm continually reminded of the story in the
Old Testament where the woman and her son were about to have their last meal and then they were going to die as a result of a famine in the land. They ended up sharing their meager allotment with one of the Lord's Prophets, and they were sustained through their faith. Their resources lasted and lasted. They weren't living comfortably by any standards, and the famine raged on around them. But they had looked death in the eye, clung to their faith, and they were blessed.
I know my situation isn't nearly as dramatic as that. We have food to eat, a place to call home, and no fear of losing either. Yes I'm frustrated. It's so easy to be discouraged when the perfect interview doesn't lead to a job. It's easy to compare myself to others. But these feelings aren't productive and they don't lead anywhere happy, so I try to focus on what we have. The other day after two good interviews and no job offers I was feeling particularly frustrated. While rocking Hannah with tears streaming down my face, I had the distinct impression that things will work out soon. I don't know how, or what, or when. All I can do is trust that the Lord has not forgotten about us. He know's we're having a
hard time. He knows what we need. I know that we are already more blessed than most, and eventually we'll round a corner, and there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. It may be dim, but it will be there.
I don't know if Daniel will get a job, or if we'll end up with lots more student loans than we were anticipating. I don't know the answers, but I do know that through a sustaining faith, things will work out.
So I'll agree with those that say babies bring blessings. I've never been happier, than I am as Hannah's mother. This is what I was born to do. So I keep doing it, and exercising faith that as I keep fulfilling my role as mother, the Lord will bless our little family and that our oil will not run out.
