Don't you just love it when things work out?
On Monday evening, I had my first moment of panic about becoming a mother. I'm not sure what set it off, but I was momentarily terrified and anxious. I know that six and a half months into a pregnancy isn't the time to start second guessing ones decision to start a family, but I was nervous. Daniel, calm as always, pointed out that nobody is ever really ready for a baby, and you make it work ready or not. As true as his words were, they didn't help too much, and I still felt worried about all the prep work that hadn't been done.
I was overwhelmed thinking about all the options and decisions that need to be made. What will she sleep in, where will we put her, the list went on and on, eventually spiraling down to my potential ability (or lack thereof) to mother. In my prayers that night I specifically asked to be blessed as I try to prepare to be a mother and that things will work out.
The next day I felt guilty about these negative thoughts, like somehow our baby would know that for one night, I was worried, that I questioned whether we had made the right decision. It left me feeling shaken most of that day. Like I was living in a fog. I didn't like it.
On Tuesday, I set out to do what I do best when feeling unsettled. I whipped out an excel spreadsheet and made a list of what I had determined to be baby essentials and their cost both new and used. (Something about that excel page just puts my mind at ease...)
On my list I had:
Bassinet/co-sleeper/cradle
Crib
Swing
Changing Table
Dresser
The next step in my plan was to take that list and try to visit some yard sales this weekend and see if anything came about, when my mom called me at work this morning. She and my dad, (both work for the public schools and have summers off) had been out at a yard sale and found a crib, changing table and dresser all for $35 and they were in good condition and pretty new. Even my used, low cost estimate for these items was at least four times that much.
After a couple cellphone pictures and phone calls exchanged Daniel and I made a quick decision that this is going to be the best deal we'll find, and that we'd be crazy not to snatch it up. Yes, the crib set is white, and we'd been looking at a cherry/espresso finish, but that doesn't really matter. Heavenly Father knew I was worried about being prepared, about finding a good deal, about getting these little details figured out, and he prepared a way.
I'm trying to be better about acknowledging His hand in my life. Seeing that He actively guides me and watches out for me, and this was a perfect example of that. I'm grateful for this experience and grateful that my parents were in the right place at the right time looking out for me.
I love it when things work out.
3 comments:
That's awesome that you found things for the baby at such a great deal! You forgot a couple essentials on your list though: a carseat (if you want to bring your baby home from the hospital of course) and stroller! I promise this won't be the last time you question your abilities as a mother, but Daniel is absolutely right. Somehow things just work out.
Heck, we went through moments like that during our whirlwind adoption - and even now, there are brief moments of panic. But we all have an amazing ability to adapt and grow as our circumstances require, and being a parent is just about the best possible growth-inducing circumstance!!
I really enjoyed this post. I'd venture to say that most pregnant moms have had a few worries about mothering abilities--and not only with the first pregnancy :)
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