hmmm

I was going to post about something, but now I can't remember what it is.  So I'll share some thoughts.

I just spent 2 hours rocking/feeding Hannah to sleep.  She was getting really good at putting herself to sleep for a while, and then she got a cold.  All of our routines went out the window with that cold.  When I called the nurse, they said no medicine, just a vaporizer and extra feedings.  Those extra feedings turned into feeding her to sleep for a week and a half, so now we're back to square one.  At least once she finally falls asleep she's asleep for a good 8-9 hours...(here's to hoping I haven't jinxed myself tonight!)

Nursing is the best thing ever, except it gives me such a sweet tooth.  I am currently enjoying Daniel's mint chocolate ice cream from Christmas (with his permission of course).  I love the convenience of breast feeding.  I've never had to heat up a bottle or measure formula in the middle of the night. I love that she's getting immunity boosts from me, and I love that she has been such a healthy baby.  I also love that I'm losing weight nursing.  If I could find the motivation to actually add exercise to my routine, I might be able to make it to my pre-wedding weight... But then again, there's that sweet tooth, and a serious lack of self discipline.

I got my hair cut a couple of weeks ago. The lady I normally go to had a baby, so I figured I'd go with my mom to Fantastic Sam's and save a few dollars. Not really my brightest idea, and definitely not worth the money I saved..  The lady who cut my hair was nice and all, but it has taken me two weeks to figure out how to style it.  I ended up switching the side I part my hair on, and this has finally made my haircut work.  I take the same picture with me each time I get my hair cut, but it always looks different in the end.  I'm going to go ahead and stick with my original stylist, assuming she comes back from maternity leave. 

We've had snow the last couple of days, and I haven't wanted to interrupt Hannah's naps to go to play group or exercise group in the mornings, so I've been feeling really closed in...cabin fever if you will.  Tomorrow I will get out and about, I hope.

I've been trying to post more regularly.  I love reading over my old posts, and I want to make sure to document our daily lives, especially now we've got a little one.  If my mom had blogged when I was a baby, I'm sure I'd love reading it today.

I have all these post ideas floating around in my brain throughout the day, and when I sit down with my laptop in the evening, my mind goes blank. 

Who knows what I originally intended to post...I guess tonight, random is all you get.

I'm in Love with White Noise

Any of my former roommates out there (Meagan, Sarah, anyone else???) may remember my air filter, and my love for it.  It was there by my side in the dorms my freshman year, off campus with me my sophomore year, and it came along when I got married.  It even spent the night in the hospital with me when Hannah was born.  Basically I can't sleep without it.  Apparently Hannah can't sleep without it either.  Her first night on earth was a very long, stressful night.  I'd heard babies were supposed to sleep all the time, and mine definitely did not.  The nurse pointed out that she had never known quiet before (what with all my digestive noises, and there were a lot of those during pregnancy!).  That hospital room was sure quiet.  I hoped that with some background noise, maybe she would be happier.  The second night I had Daniel grab my wonderful air filter from home to create beautiful white noise.  It was a better night.  Then we came home and she spent the next three months sleeping in her bouncer (vibrate turned on, please!) on our bedroom floor, sharing our white noise. 

When we went to the tri-cities last month, (air filter came along, of course) Hannah made it very clear she was done sleeping in her bouncer.  She wanted nothing to do with sleeping scrunched up anymore.  She was ready for her crib.  So as soon as we got home, we had her start sleeping in her own room, in the crib, and I gave her my air filter.  She obviously needed the white noise more than I did, and her room is right next to the living room so it helps muffle any noises we make while she's sleeping.  She started sleeping through the nights, but I would wake up and struggle to go back to sleep.  I'd go check on her, find her peacefully sleeping, but toss and turn myself.  Enter my parents and the wonderful world of Good Will.  They found us a second air filter, so now we're all happy. 

I know this is a lame post idea, but I'm curious who else has to have white noise to sleep? I know Hannah and I do!

a new hobby perhaps

A week ago I went to a beginning couponing class taught by these lovely ladies.  They gave tips, advice, and instruction, and it was just what I needed to get going.  Yesterday evening, our family of three headed out to target to make good on some deals they had alerted me to.  I got free dishwasher soap, and two pairs of jeans for cheap.  I'm not a pro-couponer yet, I don't even have a binder or very many coupons, but I'm headed that way.  I'm making a point to check the couponing blogs, I might even get a newspaper subscription and hopefully soon I'll get the hang of it.  I'm all about finding a bargain, and it seems like it could be a good hobby as well as help our budget go further.

Speaking of which (our budget, that is), Daniel is looking for a job.  Thankfully he has been doing some programming recently, but it's not full time or permanent.  He's looking for anything really, so if you have leads/ideas we're happy to hear them.  We're also willing to relocate if necessary, although it just might break Hannah's grandparents hearts...and mine too. 

I love Olympia.  I go through phases where I have a relocation fantasy.  The most recent is New York City (this one happens a lot).  I watched You've Got Mail twice last week.  My excuse is that both Hannah and I were sick, so it's ok to be lazy when you're sick.   In my fantasy I imagine we're moving somewhere.  I then wikipedia the location, go on craigslist, look at all the apartments on there and imagine what life would be like somewhere else.  Then I remember that I like only paying $750 in rent and having my parents five minutes away. 

Last night I had some tangerines kicking around from a bountiful basket I got the end of January and I juiced them by hand.  The sweet freshness of the juice kicked in my southern California fantasy (another favorite).  I could get used to fresh squeezed orange juice for breakfast...but for now it'll just be a day dream. 

All in a days work

Why I think Hannah's advanced:

Last night while I was getting Hannah's bath ready, Daniel was working on a computer program he's been writing for an optical scanner.  I left Hannah in his able care, and when I returned I was informed that she had mastered the "alt tab" shortcut.  Twice!

Seriously? I was a sophomore in college before I learned that trick...Kids these days!

sometimes

Sometimes Hannah takes her binki and naps in her own crib just like the books say she should. Sometimes like today, she won't have anything to do with her binki and starts gagging if I try to encourage her. She'll sleep for 45 minutes or so, and wake up. I wasn't sure she was ready to be awake yet, so we remedied the situation. I've found that sometimes being a mother means dropping everything and just snuggling.

Happy weekend to all!

Already

It has already been three months.

Three months of:

joy
learning
worry
guesswork
wonder
awe
curiosity
work
naps
growing
selflessness
hope
and sleeping on my stomach again!

Hannah my dear, you get cuter every day and I'm grateful you're such a happy baby.  You give your smiles so freely (except for the camera), and everyone around you loves you.  You've all but doubled your birth weight, and you're back to your cheerful happy self.  Sometimes I still can't believe you're mine.   

Date Night

We'd been having a rough time last week.  Hannah had regressed to waking every two hours though the night, and was fighting going to sleep daily, along with general fussiness. (I'm chalking it all up to her shots she got the previous Friday)  So on Friday as soon as my mom got off work, I called and asked if she and my dad would be able to watch Hannah for a couple hours so Daniel and I could go on a date.  Our last date was a long time ago.

Saturday evening rolls around and I get Hannah ready to go have some Grandma and Grandpa time.  I send her off with a couple of bottles to hold her over till I'm back, and Daniel and I had the best date ever.

It may have just been a quick dinner at Arbys and a stroll through target, but it was so very nice to be out together. 

As a side note:

I have begun the great postpartum shed.  It is as nasty as I'd heard, and I thought I'd be lucky enough to avoid it since I'd made it almost 3 months without it occurring.  If I'm bald within a month, don't be surprised. Also,  it turns out Hannah's getting the worst of it.  She gets my hair stuck in her fingers (which then go straight to her mouth) in her neck, and I've even seen hairs in her diapers.  Not sure how that happens, but yuck.  Poor Girl.

I had the greatest thing happen this week.  On Thursday morning in the shower, I was remembering things that I've been meaning to do.  Things that I usually think about right before falling asleep, and then forget all about.  So in this thinking I remembered that I have been meaning to look for a couple things online. One of them is a swim skirt.  I plan on doing a lot of swimming this summer with Hannah (I can't wait to buy a baby swim suit!), and I have some stretch marks that appeared during the third trimester that a swim skirt would cover perfectly.  I'm thinking of something like this.  But that's not the point of this post.  The other thing I remembered that I want to look for, is a pair of red shoes.

Four years ago, I happened upon a perfect pair of shoes.  They were cute and red and comfortable, they went with jeans, skirts, yoga pants, etc. These were shoes that could match anything and everything.  However, the years weren't kind to them.   They were worn and torn and not so waterproof anymore.  Yet I kept wearing them nonetheless.  

 

This story does have a happy ending though.  When I googled red dockers shoes, the first thing that popped up was a brand new pair of these exact shoes in my size on e-bay.  I'm not normally an e-bay person, but I was so pleased to find the perfect replacement for my old shoes that I hurriedly clicked 'buy now' and the next day they showed up on my door step.  It may seem trivial, but I feel so blessed to have found new perfect shoes!

a side by side comparison!

yes, that's Wesley sneaking into the picture. he has boundary issues.

 

Have any of you seen my camera cord?

Neither have I.  Which is why this post is pictureless.  Which is really sad, because I have so many cute pictures and even a couple videos of Hannah.

I'm enjoying Hannah so much lately.  She gets more and more fun each week, and continues to be a very good baby.  Her most recent achievements are finding her voice (she has the cutest coos, and has perfected her sigh), learning to use her hands to grab her toys, and sleeping all night long.  Her longest stretch has been 9.5 hours, and it felt so good!  Unfortunately, she doesn't sleep that well consistently...for example last night we were up every 2 hours.  I suppose it'll come with time, and at least it's nice to know she's capable of such things.


The last month of our lives has been so busy.  We had a bunch of Christmas festivities while my siblings were home from college.  Then my sister got married on December 28th, so we had wedding stuff going on.  Then we had New Years, and things calmed down for a little while until we made a quick trip over to Eastern Washington last week for my grandma's funeral.  Hannah has been so good through all this, and I think I'm pretty lucky to have such an easy going baby. 

Hopefully I'll be able to find my camera cord soon...Daniel cleaned the living room, and while I appreciate it a ton, I have no idea where it went.  Wish me luck!

All are welcome to attend!

We will be blessing Hannah in church on Sunday December 26th, at 9:00 am. I know it's early, but with a little girl this cute, you won't want to miss it!

This is her first smile caught on camera, and I love it. 

At six weeks Hannah weighed in at 11 pounds 6 oz (90th percentile).  The girl knows how to eat!

Somebody tell her to slow down, she's going to outgrow all her cute 3 month clothes before we even get a chance to enjoy them all!

more Hannah

Someday I'll post about something other than Hannah, but don't count on it for a while.  She turned one month old on the first, and gave me the best gift a new mother could ask for: a smile while she was awake!  It makes me think she actually likes me, and it melted my heart and made my day.  I love this little girl and can't get enough of her.  I weighed her on the 1st cause she doesn't have an appointment for a while, and she weighs 10 lb. now.  I can't believe it...such a chunk already!  Enjoy some more pictures!

mo

A Hannah update

I uploaded a bunch of pictures of Hannah to facebook a couple of days ago, but for those without facebook, here's a picture of my darling daughter!

At two weeks old, she weighed 8 pounds, which means she gained a pound in less than two weeks.  It makes sense, considering how often she likes to eat.  I love to see her plumping up, so I don't mind too much.  It would be great however, if she would sleep on her own.  She loves to be held, and I love to hold her, so we're trying to find a balance between cuddling and sleeping on her own during nap time and at night.  It's still a work in progress, but she's still so new to life that I have to remember she's still just adjusting and learning.

At three weeks, she loves to lay on the floor and talk.  She especially loves to talk to her Grandpa.  My dad has always been so good with babies, and I can already tell Hannah is going to love him.  Daniel and I left Hannah with my parents a couple of nights ago so we could run an errand, and when we got back, my dad was reading a baby book with Hannah, and she was so intent on the experience. 

I don't have a lot of experience with newborns, but as far as I can tell, this one's just about perfect...(assuming she'll get night time sleeping down eventually!)

Thankful

If you're tired of reading thankful posts, you should probably skip this one, because it's about as thankful as it gets.


Today I'm thankful more than ever for so many things.  At the top of my list is my family.  I'm so thankful for Daniel and our sweet little baby Hannah. I'm thankful for the baby spit on my shirts, the sleep deprivation, the messy diapers, the sweet little smiles while she's sleeping, her happy sighs after feedings, I'm thankful for all of it. 

A year ago, on Thanksgiving I began miscarrying my first pregnancy.  It was a devastating thing for me.  I felt abandoned, hopeless, and miserable.  Life carried on as usual but it took me a long time to feel happy again.  I would get home from work after holding back tears all day long, get in the shower and cry. Eventually time passed and I felt better each day, but I never forgot the sorrow I felt.

Now, a year later, I have a healthy, beautiful little baby girl.  I'm so grateful for Hannah, I can sincerely say she's the best thing that has ever happened to me. Each day I feel like more of my selfishness is stripped away, and I become more of a mother, and more the kind of person I should be. 

Of course I'm not grateful for the miscarriage, but I am grateful for the perspective it has given me.  It made me look at pregnancy as a blessing.  I enjoyed being pregnant with Hannah.  I remember being thankful for the nausea because it meant things were going well, and each kick was reassuring.  It has also made me endlessly thankful for Hannah. I feel so blessed to have a healthy baby that's thriving.  I'm so grateful that that trial turned into a growth experience.  

Looking back over the last year, I'm grateful for the growing and stretching I've done, both physically and spiritually.  It has all lead me to this point, where I now sit with a sleepy little girl on my chest.  So on this day of Thanksgiving, where we all pause to think about what we're most thankful for, I'm truly thankful for my family, and the growing we've done to get here.

hiccups

Here's a video we took of Hannah with the hiccups on Wednesday.  She's just about the cutest thing ever, and we love her more each day!  Over the last 24 hours she has been going two and a half hours between feedings (instead of one) which has made catching up on sleep more realistic. 

We took her to her first Dr's appointment yesterday and at 4 days old she was
19.75 inches long (54%),
7 pounds 2 oz (29%)
and her head is 14" (63%)

I'm so thankful to have a healthy baby girl!

A birth story

A few months ago I started keeping a pregnancy journal updating it with my own thoughts/feelings experiences as I was pregnant with Hannah.  It's formatted as letters to her (someday years from now, she'll enjoy reading them).  It seemed fitting to add her birth story there. I started it when she was first born, but as I've learned, mothering comes before documenting...so it has been written slowly in a few spare minutes over the last few days.  I've copied it here, for those that are interested.

Dear Hannah,

Today we finally got to meet.  I want to first say how much I love you, even though we've only been together such a short time.

On Sunday evening we were playing games with my parents and Kevin like we usually do, and we ended the night looking at baby pictures of me.  It made me so excited to meet you.  That night, when your dad and I were in bed, I prayed that you would come quickly, maybe even that very morning.  We had had such a good weekend, just the two of us once more, that we felt super ready to welcome you to our home and family.

At 12:54 on November 1st, I woke with a pop and a sudden gush of warm fluid.  The first thing I said was 'Daniel, we're having a baby in the next 24 hours...my water just broke'.  I then wandered around our apartment gathering last minute supplies we'd need at the hospital.  The contractions started almost instantly and were coming hard and fast.  On the way to the hospital they were about two minutes apart, and I was really uncomfortable.  Since it was after regular hours, we had to park by the emergency room and walk all the way through the hospital.  We had to stop several times so I could breathe through the contractions.  Once we got to the family birth center, I sat down to do some check-in paperwork (which seemed to take forever, even though I was already pre-registered).  As soon as we were done with the paperwork, I stood up and there was an even bigger gush that soaked through my pad, pants and even my shoes.  I apologized, feeling bad I'd leaked all over the floor, but I'm sure they get that quite regularly.

Since I was clearly in labor (the wet pants made it pretty obvious) we got to skip the initial exam, and went straight to a labor and delivery room.  I changed into the hospital gown and then they checked and I was already dilated to a five.  This was probably only 45 minutes after my water broke, so I knew we were making progress fast!

Your dad was so great during labor, he held my hand and helped me remember my breathing techniques, and reassured me we were doing well.  They checked my cervix again after another hour or so and I was between a seven and an eight.  At this point, I was pretty miserable and asked for an epidural.  They had told me earlier that the anesthesiologist was in an emergency c-section so I'd have to wait an hour to get one.  After that hour, they said it might be another half an hour, and I got a little worried.  Thankfully it came more quickly than that. It was the completely right decision for me.  It allowed me to get a little break from the pain, and also make it through the next two and a half hours.  After the epidural things slowed down just a little, and we were at a ten and ready to push around 4:00 in the morning.  I spent the next two hours pushing and pushing.  I got so tired we had to take a break for a while.

During the half an hour break, I was able to rest up and prepare to continue pushing.  The epidural didn't numb my legs completely and I was still able to feel the contractions, so it really enabled me to push effectively without as much pain.  It was perfect.  After spending about an hour getting you past my pubic bone, things began to happen fast.  They got the warming table ready and called in your nurse.  When they told me it looked like you had at least an inch of hair, I wasn't really surprised, but it made me so excited to think about how close we were.  Once we got your head pushed out, your body came right after and they called out 5:58 and placed you right on my stomach.  You started crying really quickly and just looked up at me with your big eyes.  In that moment, it was just you and I.  The rest of the room was a bustle of activity, I remember hearing that you were still attached, and they asked me to push a couple more times.  I followed instructions, but I was completely wrapped up with you.  Sweet little you.  

                                                                       ***

Now somehow, it's four days later.  We've had lots of ups and downs with feeding and sleeping.  You seem to be quite the night owl, enjoying meals every hour of the night instead of every two and a half like during the day.  When you're eating you make the sweetest little squeaks and sighs, and when you're done, you make the most adorable faces.  I know babies don't really smile at 4 days old, but some of your faces sure come close.

Hannah, I've never felt more love for anyone than I have since having you.  Your dad and I are completely in love.  We sit and watch you for hours, completely fascinated with all that you are!  I've never seen your dad so happy.  He's the best new daddy around.  Even though we've had a couple struggles with feeding, It's so rewarding being able to know that I'm supporting you.  As your mom, it's my job to provide what you need, and I am so willing.  I will do everything I can to make sure you're healthy and happy.  Hannah, I love you so much already, and I'll love you forever!

Love,
Mom.

Hannah

Hannah is here! She came quickly on Monday morning and weighed 7 pounds 6 oz. I'll post more of the story later, but for now we're just loving this little girl and wanted to share a picture!

Happy Halloween

Halloween this year has been pretty uneventful, which is good, since I do not want a baby born on Halloween.  A couple of weeks ago we had the Halloween Party we go to every year.  Our last minute costume attempt was to go as a pool shark and an eight ball.  This was our one and only picture of our costumes, and our first successful attempt at using the self timer on our camera.

I'm ready.

some of the ladies from the church baby shower

a beautiful baby blanket

my mother-in-law and mom at my church baby shower

the hair bows, onesies, and 'H' which were lovingly crafted at my baby shower

the crib quilt I designed and my mom created!

38 weeks (and no signs of imminent labor)

the bassinet my mother-in-law decorated

the beautiful blessing dress my mom made with leftover wedding dress fabric

one corner of the nursery

the car seat with snugly pink thing for keeping baby warm

bouncer

the 'H' they made at my church baby shower

Boppy cover I made all by myself!

 The 'H' is for Hannah, by the way, and yes we're still eagerly anticipating her arrival.  After three hours of contractions coming every 5 minutes Sunday morning (which sadly never got very intense, and faded away during sacrament meeting), there's been very little progress to suggest that she's in any hurry to make her arrival. 

Right now I'm feeling relatively patient with the whole situation (although that changes hourly!).  The way I'm seeing things, each day she waits I get one more night of decent sleep, and another day with just Daniel and I.  In anticipation of what may have been our last baby free weekend, we spent Saturday relaxing.  I slept in till 8:30, had breakfast in bed (fresh pineapple and fruity pebbles) and then read Catching Fire till 1:00.  It was perhaps the best Saturday I've had.  Ever.  I didn't even feel guilty for spending so much time relaxing!

Tonight for Family Home Evening, we decided we should probably figure out where the Family Birth Center is at the hospital.  As part of our child birth classes, we had been on a tour, but we'd gotten there from a different building on the hospital campus, by walking through a tunnel that connected the two buildings.  So we had no idea how it get to  it from the parking lot or main road. We determined that when I'm in labor, we're not going to want to drive around guessing if we're headed in the right direction.  It's nice to have that taken care of now.

nostalgic, hormonal, thoughtful, emotional

I'm currently feeling all of the above, all at once. 

This morning on my way into work, I almost started tearing up, and I'm not sure why.

We all know how much I love my job.  I've been looking forward to leaving this job for a long time, and now that it's getting closer I'm still excited, don't get me wrong, but I'm having weird little surges of emotions (hormones?) that are confusing.

My current plan is to work until I'm in labor, so really I don't know when my last day will be.  For all I know, it could be today, or I could still have 2-3 weeks here. 

My mom had all of my siblings and me 1-3 weeks early, so I was raised hearing how the only way to get to your due date was with a baby in your arms.  This has given me some expectations. Even though there's no reason for me to have this baby early, I've been hoping for/almost expecting it.  Today, I'm 38 weeks, and as far as I can tell, I'm no closer to going into labor now, than I have been in the past week or two.  But then, who really knows.  Apparently these things can change in minutes. 

Also, I can't imagine myself having a baby.  It's such a foreign concept to me.  I get that I'm pregnant, and each kick, or hiccup means there is in fact a baby in there, but somehow it's still so unreal.  I haven't spent that much time around newborns, so I'm really hoping I'll know what to do when all of a sudden I have one of my own. Somebody please tell me it comes naturally!

At this point, I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be.  I've got my hospital bag packed, tiny baby clothes washed and neatly folded, the carseat is ready, camera battery is charged, I've got my thank you cards written (need to get stamps still), I guess I'm just going to enjoy waiting somewhat patiently for the big day. 

An update of sorts

It's the middle of October.  I'm not sure how, but it is.  My baby count down says 21 days to go, which means we've made it full term.  It's a joyous thing, being full term, just waiting for the arrival of our baby girl.  It's also relatively draining. 

After working all day I'm tired.  I get home, and set small goals for myself.

Last night for example, I plopped down in the recliner for a brief sit, and decided I could do three things:

1. Get out of the recliner
2. Take off my ring and put it in the bedroom for safe keeping (my fingers look a bit like sausages at the end of the day)
3. Grab my suitcase from our storage room outside our front door.  (I have not yet packed for the hospital...this weekend perhaps?)

As laughable as these little goals were, I completed them.  I also did a sink of dishes, and made dinner, but its so unlike me, to need to make 'get out of the recliner' a goal.  Even though I feel lazy and tired, I'm still so grateful to be pregnant.  Each week I'm more ready to meet this little girl.  Each week also seems to slow down a little bit.  I know it's just me feeling that way, but it seems like my due date will never come.

Even though it feels like time has stopped, there are several things which suggest that it has not.

• The milk in our refrigerator expires after my due date.  I've been waiting a lot of months for this to happen. 
• I go to the doctor's weekly now. 
• On Monday I was already 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced. (is it too awkward to talk about my cervix on this blog?)
• I've been having irregular contractions since my appointment on Monday.  who knows if this means anything, but I guess we'll see. 
• I'm in the process of training my replacement at work. She's been here for 2 weeks now, and I feel like I need a lot more time to teach her everything. 
• Realistically we've got anywhere between a couple more days and a month left.
• It's Halloween time, which in and of itself is weird.  Wasn't I just posting about our July activities???
• The Halloween party we go to each year is on Saturday and we're scrambling to come up with creative costume ideas for a super pregnant person.  Last year we won 'Best costume', this year we'll be lucky to show up with costumes!  I had seen the idea of going as two garbage bags, mine would be labeled 'I'm heafty' and Daniel's would say 'I'm Glad'...my idea has been vetoed, so now we're at a loss.
• I'm teaching Relief Society this Sunday (the last time before I have a baby!)

I'll post pictures of my baby showers and hopefully the nursery and maybe a 37 week belly shot when I'm home, with access to my pictures :)  For now though, I'm looking forward to getting Jamba Juice for lunch, sleeping in tomorrow morning, and the rest of the weekend.

Hope you all have a good weekend too!