More on that

Pregnancy this time...

Has been much less nerve wracking than I worried it would be. Not to say I haven't been worried and nervous. It just wasn't extreme. I figured I'd be a crying mess the majority of the first trimester. I really wasn't. I was surprisingly calm and peaceful about the whole thing. Except for when I get the results of my thyroid tests back. Each time they seem to get worse, and each time I worry. Each time the midwives assure me that the baby is fine, it's my body that's adjusting (slowly).

I have been more nauseous. I even threw up once (I know it's gross, but it's kind of like a badge of honor!) I still don't have much of an appetite, and I'm incredibly picky, but not nauseous anymore. I wouldn't however, recommend a cruise during the first trimester. Even if it's the tail end of the first trimester. Something about the rocking of the ship made the morning sickness much worse. I ate a lot of rice krispies on the cruise. My family enjoyed the food a lot more than I did. It's a mystery to me that I could train for and complete a sprint triathlon last summer and not lose a pound, but something about being pregnant for 4 months has helped me lose 6 or 7.

Even though I've lost weight, I'm starting to look pregnant, much more quickly than I expected. I went to Ross last weekend and got some maternity clothes. On Sunday I wore a cute new top and embraced my new look. Even if it's earlier than I'd planned, and let's be honest, it's not all that noticeable, I'm loving it. I think it's a relief for Daniel that I'm enjoying this time and these changes.

I'm very much looking forward to feeling this baby move in the next couple of weeks. I keep trying to pay really close attention to that general area, but I'm still waiting. Patiently.

I'm trying to remember that each day is a blessing, and I don't want to wish this by too quickly.

a bit of a funk

I'm feeling overwhelmed this week.

Lots of changes and lots to do.

It was manageable until Sunday evening, and then I could tell this week was sure to be a doozie.

So far I'm right.

Work has been chaotic, but I saw that coming. Each day I pray for a positive attitude, that I'll be able to make it through the day. Yesterday there were tears involved. I wish I didn't care so much. That would make it easier. Each day there is too much drama. It makes me wonder how much I am supposed to take. At what point do I draw the line and say enough is enough. How bad do I really need health insurance? and a paycheck?

I'm supposed to teach Relief Society on Sunday. Normally this is fine and I really enjoy it, but I'm feeling so busy this week, that it seems like it'll be a stretch to get my lesson ready and up to scratch by Sunday morning. Also, I've now been asked to speak in Sacrament Meeting. Like anybody wants to hear from me twice in one block of meetings...Please!

Next Saturday I'm in charge of decorations for a Stake Women's conference and I can't even begin to think about all of that yet, but I can't afford not to.

Thank goodness I've had a little more energy since coming back from vacation. Otherwise I think I might be drowning instead of just treading water. As it is, I'm managing to stay afloat.

But last night, as I was in bed, feeling sorry for myself and fighting back tears I made Daniel help me come up with a list of things I'm grateful for.

The list went something like this:

Our baby. (yes, we're expecting again. I'm almost 15 weeks!)

Wesley

The sunshine we got over the weekend

The lovely spring flowers I planted on our balcony

The Sunday afternoon nap I took in the sunshine on our balcony

Fresh fruit

Only working 8 hours a day

Not having a car payment

Good friends in our ward.

People being SO excited for my pregnancy. It really does buoy me up and make me happier!

Not living in Idaho anymore (I know it has been close to 3 years, but this still makes the list!)

Jamba Juice gift cards Daniel got me (got one this morning to help me through the day)

The perspective that all the drama at work really isn't huge in the eternal scheme of things

Having my whole family home and together

My sister Rachel has a really awesome boyfriend and I'm happy for her

Being able to afford to get my hair cut whenever I want.

Getting to ride the cable cars in San Francisco

At the end of this list, the tears were gone, and I was feeling better. It's amazing how counting your blessings makes life sweeter.

to hold you over

We had a great time. But it feels so good to be home. Being on a boat for a week has left me wobbly on dry ground. I am currently lying on the couch, and it feels like it's rocking like a boat. Not sure how long it will last, but until then, I feel like I'm still half way on vacation!

on what makes me.

I like listening to Lady Gaga while I fold laundry.
My laundry playlist is similar to my exercise tunes.
I also like Celine Dion. I always have.
A lot of people don't like her. I do.
Along the same line as Celine, I like Thomas Kincaid paintings.
I can listen to songs that I like over and over and over. For hours. For days. Until I get my fill, and then I move onto a new song.
I may have an unhealthy love for my cat.

This was last night. He hopped on for what I like to call a kitty back ride.

Pretty sure he'll miss me this next week.
I'm also pretty sure he'll survive.

Spring Survey

four shows I watch:
1. House
2. Modern Family
3. The Cosby Show
4. Lost

four things I've learned from the past:
1. Stay as far away from drama as possible
2. People are what matter, not things
3. I would rather spend time with family than anything else
4. Little annoyances in life aren't usually worth the energy spent on them.

four places I would like to go:
1. The South Pacific
2. South America
3. Hawaii
4. Africa

four things I did yesterday:
1. Worked :(
2. Had a birthday hamburger at Red Robin
3. Got gas at Costco. we have an endlessly thirsty car.
4. Had our home teachers over

four things I'm looking forward to:
1. Leaving on vacation on Saturday
2. Going to San Francisco on Monday
3. June 21st
4. Summer!

four things I love about spring:
1. Flowers, on the trees, on the ground, everywhere
2. Warmer weather
3. The beginning of fresh fruit season
4. Green grass

four things on my wish list:
1. A good haircut (hopefully tonight)
2. Good weather on vacation
3. A sunny warm spring and summer with lots of days off (definitely a wish!)
4. June to come quickly

four people I tag:
1. Nicole
2. Heidi
3. Lauren
4. Anyone who needs an idea for an easy post!

Scenes from a Sunday afternoon.

What's blue and brown and cute all over?

My latest sewing project of course. It took forever, but it's darling, right?

Skipper lounging in the sunshine

And Wesley itching his face on the screen door

Someday my life won't be like this.

This morning as I was getting ready for work, I had a realization that someday, as far off and impossible as it seems, I will have a very different life. Whether it includes staying home with children, going back to school, or anything else, it won't be the same as it is right now. Right now, I have a pretty good routine going and I want to document it for the record, so someday, when my life is different, I'll be able to look back and remember the days when I got up at 7:00 and was at work less than an hour later. So for those that care (and I can't imagine that there are many of you), here is my daily routine (maybe with too many details):

5:30-5:50 wake up naturally and take thyroid pill without getting out of bed (must be taken on an empty stomach 1 hour before eating=lame). go back to sleep
6:50 alarm goes off, press snooze for 9 minutes
6:59 get up slowly, go to the bathroom to get started with morning hygiene
7:00-7:10 bathroom routine including: morning nasal rinse, straighten my hair, find clothes to wear.
7:10-7:20 finish hair, put on makeup, wake up Daniel
7:20-7:30 have a small bowl of cereal or piece of toast. Make smoothie in "to go blender" for morning snack at work.
7:30-7:40 make lunch/snacks for work, get everything together and run out the door.
7:40 Daniel drives me to work (we only have one car, so he drops me off at work, comes back home and gets ready for work himself)
7:55 get to my desk, log on to computer, start the work day
8:00-12:30 Work...lots of different stuff happens. phone calls, loan adjustments, students with questions, it's always a variety.
12:30 LUNCH! Lately on my lunch break I've been going on a half hour walk around campus, to get out and enjoy fresh air. Then I'll come back and eat my lunch in the cafeteria and listen to a book on my mp3 player. The cafeteria has a sun room, and there's a certain table I like to sit at, where the mid day sun warms me up perfectly and I could stay all day.
1:30-5:00 More work. Blah.
5:00-5:17ish Daniel picks me up and we go home :)
5:20-6:45 usually I ho-hum about what to eat for dinner. I go through phases of menu planning, but lately it has been less planned and more sporadic. Last night we had salad which took all of 10 minutes to make. It still took about an hour to gear up to do it though. Dinner making is not one of my strong points lately.
6:45-9:30 This isn't really scheduled time. If we have errands to run, we get them out of the way, sometimes we visit my parents, lately we've been watching and LOVING episodes of Modern Family. Last night I worked on my lesson for Relief Society on Sunday.
9:30-10:00 Shower. This is the most important part of my day. This is what allows me to wake up at 7:00. Without showering at night, I would be a grumpy person in the morning.
10:00-10:30 I'm usually doing my going to bed routine (which Daniel says takes forever) It usually involves brushing, flossing, lotion, chap stick, scriptures and prayers. That doesn't look like such a long list, but somehow it does take a while.

So I'm sure this was super boring, and my blog is kind of crummy lately anyway, but I wanted to document this so that years from now, when I wonder what my days were like when I was young married without any children, I'll be able to look back and remember.

March

Isn't it weird, how many of the little details of each day are so easily forgotten with passing time. I look back on the last month (longest blogging break yet) and can't remember what filled those days. I know I've been busy, but it's almost like I can't account for where I was, or what I was doing for an entire month of my life. So here's an attempt to remember a few of the happenings.

In the beginning of March I helped with the Relief Society Birthday Dinner. (this is one of my 3 1/2 callings).

Daniel and I had a couple more social weekends, playing games and having dinner with friends.

I survived another month of office construction. There is plywood, dust, paint residue and chaos all over my office. This has been going on for three months now, and was supposed to have been completed a couple weeks ago. I'm still surrounded by this clutter, and the only benefit I've seen has been a few extra casual days. I've gotten to enjoy my jeans more than in the past but I'm just not sure it's worth it.

I ate a lot of baked potatoes.

I made my first pork chop (notice it is pork chop, not chops, because Daniel did not partake), and did not get trichinosis. I was a little concerned about this, but I trusted my meat thermometer and it all worked out deliciously. Thanks to my parents for the George Foreman for Christmas. It has been convenient, to say the least.

Also in March, I enjoyed some sunshine. I found a good half an hour walk that I take on my lunch break. Getting out of the office for some uninterrupted fresh air is a beautiful thing. Of course now that it's April, my favorite month, the rain is back making up for all those days of stolen sunshine.

We did not follow our hypothetical budget very well, and have implemented immediate changes. Sometimes it's hard trying to save money!

I spent A LOT of time working on a cute sewing project. I'll have to post a picture of my creation, because it took so much time, but turned out darling.

I watched the Prince of Egypt twice. I've also been reading the story in Exodus. I'm loving learning about the Old Testament in Sunday school this year. It makes me want to re-read Orson Scott Card's Women of Genesis series.

That's all I can think of for March. It was a long one, but I enjoyed it well enough.

So far, I'm loving April, even with the rain and wind. My birthday is in a little over a week, and in a couple weeks I'm taking a fabulous vacation that I'm really looking forward to. It involves a week on a boat in the Pacific Ocean and lots of Delicious food!

Stay tuned for more regular updates (hopefully) and pictures (maybe)!

everything's gonna be alright now, everything's gonna be alright...

Today I saw the most beautiful rainbow. The colors were so vivid and bright. I don't recall ever seeing a rainbow quite like that before, it made me think that if Heavenly Father can use a rainbow to promise Noah that everything will be alright, I think he can do the same for me. Of course I don't know how my life will turn out, but I really trust that everything will be okay. Life has a way of working out. The sun breaks through the clouds and the light shines brighter than the dark. Sometimes, it even makes a beautiful rainbow.



By the way, book club was good. The dessert turned out fine and there were enough chairs for everybody!


I love it when I type a post, check the spelling and it says "No misspellings found"

Feeling social.

Daniel and I are having an unusually social week. Last night we hung out with some new friends from church. Brianne and I watched Julie and Julia while our husbands went home teaching. Tonight I'm hosting book club at our small apartment. I'm totally nervous.

What if my apartment smells funny?

What if the time I've spent cleaning isn't enough?

What if there aren't enough chairs for people to sit on?

What if the creative new dessert I'm making is gross?

We read My Life in France, by Julia Child and in honor of Julia, I'm making a French cake. I'm not making it from scratch however. I bought Puff Pastry for the first time, and I'm hoping it comes through for me!

I'm not used to hosting activities, so this is a bit of a stretch for me. Not to mention I haven't finished the book. (I wasn't planning on hosting till yesterday, so I still have 100 pages to go!). I'm sure all will go well and it will be enjoyable, I just don't want book club to be a let down.

I think Friday will be a nice quiet evening which I'm sure will be filled with a couple Cosby episodes and maybe a pizza.

Then Saturday we're having dinner and dessert with Mike and Cindy. I'm looking forward to it.

Our usual Sunday evening routine involves games with my parents and younger brother Kevin and Della, their German exchange student. This is a highlight of my week almost every time. We have so much fun laughing and spending time with my family. I love living close to them!

Over the River and Through the Wood To Grandmother's house I go...

...actually it's more like over the mountains and through the desert... but I'm looking forward to it. I haven't visited my grandma for a long time, and she's in need of some love and attention. I'm going with my mom and even though it'll be a quick trip, I'm glad we can be there for her when she needs some help. I'm leaving work early today so we can get a head start on the drive over to the Tri-Cities, and hopefully I can stay awake and keep my mom company.

I'm extra tired today because last night I had no self control and stayed up way too late watching tv.

When it comes to tv shows, I'm usually a few years late catching on, so it comes as no surprise, that just over the last couple weeks, I've gotten into 24. I started at the beginning with season one, and got sucked into the action. Each day after work I'd look forward to seeing what would happen next. Would Jack Bauer really make it through each daunting situation and save his family? So last night, when Daniel headed off to game night, I settled in with the intent of watching an episode or two, and heading to bed. Much sooner than it seemed possible, it was 11:00 and I only had one episode left. I couldn't just go to bed and leave the Bauer family in limbo. I had to make sure they got safely home and that peace was restored.

Those who have seen season one of 24, can imagine my disgust at the ending. Now I'm at work, short on sleep and wishing I hadn't stayed up quite so late.

I am however looking forward to a 3 day weekend!

our walk

On Saturday we put on our walking shoes, headed out on our usual route through the neighborhoods close by. It was a gorgeous day, with blue sky and puffy white clouds. We usually go on a walk in the evening, so this mid day walk was a good change. Instead of keeping to our normal route, we decided to head down town. We live pretty close, so it wasn't to far to go, and soon there were people everywhere. It was like the world had awoke from its hibernation. The hustle and bustle of the streets was therapeutic. We wandered in and out of quaint little shops, looking and touching neat little trinkets, and the smell of a little BBQ restaurant on one corner made me regret my empty pockets.

The thing I loved the most about this walk was that it wasn't planned. It resulted out of a distraction. Daniel has a sixth sense to tell when I'm getting irritated or upset, and he was able to quickly suggest the perfect remedy of fresh air and hand holding. We didn't have a destination, or a course in mind. If we got to a corner, one of us would choose left or right and we'd head that way. Daniel and I are usually the kind of people who plan things, and try to stick with them. But on Saturday we were spontaneous, and I was happier than I'd been in a while.

I'm trying to become more of a spontaneous person. Lately none of the plans I've made have worked out. In fact, almost every aspect of my planning has fallen through, and I've decided to step back and let Daniel take over. He is now in charge, and if spontaneity is what happens, I think I'll embrace it.

I feel like a scrooge.

Sometimes, more often than I care to admit, I fantasize about putting in my two weeks notice and leaving for good.

Sometimes I hate my job.

Sometimes I take it personally when a parent calls, upset that I wasn't more courteous or patient with their son or daughter.

Sometimes I'm even less patient with that parent who criticizes the way I'm doing my job.

I'm patient with people all day long. If a student gets upset and needs to call home to mommy when I ask a simple question about their tuition, they've got a lot of growing up to do...and it's my opinion that at least some of this should have been done before college.

Sometimes I dream about being independently wealthy and never working here again.

And that's the end of my vent.

Winter

I NEVER thought I'd say this. Not in a million years...but I am loving winter this year. This weather we've been having is awesome. I am definitely a spring/summer person, but when January is sunny and 60 degrees, there's really nothing to complain about.

Yesterday during my lunch break I went to exercise at the brand new fitness center that Saint Martin's built. I was wearing a 3/4 sleeve shirt and I didn't need a jacket outside. I could get used to this.

I plan on getting back into my fitness routine. I liked the exercise program I was on while training for the triathlon during the summer. The ladies I trained with are doing another on in May. I haven't committed, but I like the training incentive for it...so we'll see.

I set a goal to floss my teeth every day this year. So far so good.

I did my taxes this morning. Now I'm just waiting for the refund to get here.

I'm on the prowl for cheap plane tickets to Los Angeles in April. I missed the best deal ever and now I'm kicking myself for it. Hoping for a sale soon!

It's a three day weekend...which I happen to love. It's 10:00 and I only got up half an hour ago :)

Today I'm planning on:

1. Watching Avatar
2. finishing up the laundry
   
3. dinner with my parents. They're grilling burgers. I love that bbq's are a year round event with my family.
4. watching an episode of the Cosby show. Daniel and I are watching them from the beginning. We LOVE them!
5. Hopefully going to bed early enough to have a good day tomorrow!

What are you doing today?

Things that make me happy.

1. bright sunshine
2. fruit smoothies
3. light blue perfume
4. my polka dot cashmere scarf
5. guacamole
6. 3 day weekends
7. pizza
8. cat's meows
9. weekends
10. sunday afternoon naps
11. warm chocolate chip cookies

Happy Weekend to all!

Thoughts

I am so grateful for the birth of the Savior, for many reasons this Christmas season. I think it means more this year in light of the recent events. I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to look to Him for hope. To have the comfort of knowing He has felt the things I feel. To know that His life gives me peace.

Time continues on. There's no way to speed it up or slow it down. Somehow it's inevitable. I hope that next year I'll be able to look back and realize what a difference a year makes.

Family is wonderful. We had Christmas day with my whole family this year. It was so nice to have everybody home and happy. I love each of my siblings and the unique talents and personalities they bring to the family.

Daniel and I have a good marriage. We may not always see eye to eye, but we have fun learning, growing, and loving. I'm grateful for his companionship, love and support.

I'm looking forward to spring. I know it has only been winter for a week (technically), but I'm already looking forward to the buds on trees, flowers, and fresh air.

Now that Christmas is over, I'm ready for a new year. New goals. New opportunities. New experiences. 2009 was a good year. It had definite ups and downs, but I enjoyed the year. I have a feeling 2010 will be even better.

we need a little christmas right this very minute

I had to get that dreary post off the top of my blog, and what better to replace it with than some Christmas cheer. We got a tree a couple weeks ago, decorated it and love the ambiance it adds. The cats also love the taste of the water in the tree stand. I don't think they've touched the water in their bowl since we got the tree.

Below, you can see a picture of the advent calendar I made at the Super Saturday Activity back in November. It took a moderate amount of creativity, and it was a fun activity, so I would consider it a success. Also, about the homemade stockings: my parents made mine for my first Christmas, years ago, and I made Daniel one when we became a family. They're one of my favorite Christmas traditions.

Clearly our cats are feeling the Christmas Spirit. Probably more than I am, but that's just the way it is right now.

Wesley thinks he's the third wise man. You can actually see that there are only two wise men in this picture. The reason for that has to do with the cat knocking one of them off to make room for himself.

Coming up in holiday business:

• any day now the results of my on-line shopping should start arriving.
• Rachel and Nathan are coming home from college tomorrow night!
  
• we're making gingerbread houses with Daniel's family and my family on Monday evening.
• the upcoming Christmas Eve party with the Brinkerhoff clan
• Christmas break from work. December 24th-January 4th. Can't wait!
  

One of the things they never tell you...

...about a miscarriage is how puffy your eyes get. Day after day. Another is how hopelessly depressing it is, and how nothing anybody says makes it even the slightest bit better.

I try not to be too negative on this blog, but this post is a downer. Much like my weekend was. Thanksgiving was good, but it went down hill that night, getting progressively worse and worse. I tried to keep on with life, hoping for the best, but by Sunday, my hopes were shattered, and Monday was a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day. I'm taking comfort in the love of family, and the hope of the future.

In my search for spiritual comfort and healing, I found a talk that was exactly what I was looking for. It's called "Finding Joy in Life" by Richard G Scott.

"The Lord is intent on your personal growth and development. That progress is accelerated when you willingly allow Him to lead you through every growth experience you encounter, whether initially it be to your individual liking or not. When you trust in the Lord, when you are willing to let your heart and your mind be centered in His will, when you ask to be led by the Spirit to do His will, you are assured of the greatest happiness along the way and the most fulfilling attainment from this mortal experience. If you question everything you are asked to do, or dig in your heels at every unpleasant challenge, you make it harder for the Lord to bless you."

I fully admit to having my heels dug deep. I wanted that baby. And I wanted it in June. I don't want to re-do an entire first trimester. I don't want to be afraid of getting pregnant again. But if this is what the Lord has decided will make me happiest. I'll try to be willing.

"Sadness, disappointment, and severe challenge are events in life, not life itself...No matter how difficult something you or a loved one faces, it should not take over your life and be the center of all your interest. Challenges are growth experiences, temporary scenes to be played out on the background of a pleasant life. "

As upset as I feel, I do have a pleasant life. Things will still be pleasant, and in time I'll feel happiness again. I'm grateful for the knowledge of this truth about happiness. It helps.

The rest of the story

Do you remember my perfect day?

I do.

Wicked was great, of course, and so was Seattle, but it was something else that really sealed the deal.

Early that morning, I woke with a suspicion, and my hopes were confirmed through a positive test.

We're having a baby, and so far all has gone well.

I had my first ultrasound yesterday, and it was an amazing moment to see our little baby and hear the heart beat. To be honest, I was completely skeptical that there could actually be a baby living in there, so yesterday was such a joyous relief. Pregnancy has been such a breeze compared to what I was expecting, so it didn't seem possible that it could be real. It is, and I've seen it. It has little arms and legs, and wiggly tendencies.

I couldn't be happier about this whole thing, and it's starting to feel a little more real. I know it's still early, but the news has started slipping out, and I have a feeling it's going to be hard to contain any longer (although I'm doing my best to keep it hush hush at work, till it's painfully obvious).

I am currently 10 weeks, and the last few weeks have been the longest of my life, yet at the same time, this means I'm already a quarter of the way done. It's an odd waiting game, knowing that there's really nothing you can do but be patient, yet feeling so invested with the desire to make sure everything is OK. Overall we just feel so blessed to have this opportunity, and excited about what is to come!