our walk

On Saturday we put on our walking shoes, headed out on our usual route through the neighborhoods close by. It was a gorgeous day, with blue sky and puffy white clouds. We usually go on a walk in the evening, so this mid day walk was a good change. Instead of keeping to our normal route, we decided to head down town. We live pretty close, so it wasn't to far to go, and soon there were people everywhere. It was like the world had awoke from its hibernation. The hustle and bustle of the streets was therapeutic. We wandered in and out of quaint little shops, looking and touching neat little trinkets, and the smell of a little BBQ restaurant on one corner made me regret my empty pockets.

The thing I loved the most about this walk was that it wasn't planned. It resulted out of a distraction. Daniel has a sixth sense to tell when I'm getting irritated or upset, and he was able to quickly suggest the perfect remedy of fresh air and hand holding. We didn't have a destination, or a course in mind. If we got to a corner, one of us would choose left or right and we'd head that way. Daniel and I are usually the kind of people who plan things, and try to stick with them. But on Saturday we were spontaneous, and I was happier than I'd been in a while.

I'm trying to become more of a spontaneous person. Lately none of the plans I've made have worked out. In fact, almost every aspect of my planning has fallen through, and I've decided to step back and let Daniel take over. He is now in charge, and if spontaneity is what happens, I think I'll embrace it.

I feel like a scrooge.

Sometimes, more often than I care to admit, I fantasize about putting in my two weeks notice and leaving for good.

Sometimes I hate my job.

Sometimes I take it personally when a parent calls, upset that I wasn't more courteous or patient with their son or daughter.

Sometimes I'm even less patient with that parent who criticizes the way I'm doing my job.

I'm patient with people all day long. If a student gets upset and needs to call home to mommy when I ask a simple question about their tuition, they've got a lot of growing up to do...and it's my opinion that at least some of this should have been done before college.

Sometimes I dream about being independently wealthy and never working here again.

And that's the end of my vent.

Winter

I NEVER thought I'd say this. Not in a million years...but I am loving winter this year. This weather we've been having is awesome. I am definitely a spring/summer person, but when January is sunny and 60 degrees, there's really nothing to complain about.

Yesterday during my lunch break I went to exercise at the brand new fitness center that Saint Martin's built. I was wearing a 3/4 sleeve shirt and I didn't need a jacket outside. I could get used to this.

I plan on getting back into my fitness routine. I liked the exercise program I was on while training for the triathlon during the summer. The ladies I trained with are doing another on in May. I haven't committed, but I like the training incentive for it...so we'll see.

I set a goal to floss my teeth every day this year. So far so good.

I did my taxes this morning. Now I'm just waiting for the refund to get here.

I'm on the prowl for cheap plane tickets to Los Angeles in April. I missed the best deal ever and now I'm kicking myself for it. Hoping for a sale soon!

It's a three day weekend...which I happen to love. It's 10:00 and I only got up half an hour ago :)

Today I'm planning on:

1. Watching Avatar
2. finishing up the laundry
   
3. dinner with my parents. They're grilling burgers. I love that bbq's are a year round event with my family.
4. watching an episode of the Cosby show. Daniel and I are watching them from the beginning. We LOVE them!
5. Hopefully going to bed early enough to have a good day tomorrow!

What are you doing today?

Things that make me happy.

1. bright sunshine
2. fruit smoothies
3. light blue perfume
4. my polka dot cashmere scarf
5. guacamole
6. 3 day weekends
7. pizza
8. cat's meows
9. weekends
10. sunday afternoon naps
11. warm chocolate chip cookies

Happy Weekend to all!

Thoughts

I am so grateful for the birth of the Savior, for many reasons this Christmas season. I think it means more this year in light of the recent events. I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to look to Him for hope. To have the comfort of knowing He has felt the things I feel. To know that His life gives me peace.

Time continues on. There's no way to speed it up or slow it down. Somehow it's inevitable. I hope that next year I'll be able to look back and realize what a difference a year makes.

Family is wonderful. We had Christmas day with my whole family this year. It was so nice to have everybody home and happy. I love each of my siblings and the unique talents and personalities they bring to the family.

Daniel and I have a good marriage. We may not always see eye to eye, but we have fun learning, growing, and loving. I'm grateful for his companionship, love and support.

I'm looking forward to spring. I know it has only been winter for a week (technically), but I'm already looking forward to the buds on trees, flowers, and fresh air.

Now that Christmas is over, I'm ready for a new year. New goals. New opportunities. New experiences. 2009 was a good year. It had definite ups and downs, but I enjoyed the year. I have a feeling 2010 will be even better.

we need a little christmas right this very minute

I had to get that dreary post off the top of my blog, and what better to replace it with than some Christmas cheer. We got a tree a couple weeks ago, decorated it and love the ambiance it adds. The cats also love the taste of the water in the tree stand. I don't think they've touched the water in their bowl since we got the tree.

Below, you can see a picture of the advent calendar I made at the Super Saturday Activity back in November. It took a moderate amount of creativity, and it was a fun activity, so I would consider it a success. Also, about the homemade stockings: my parents made mine for my first Christmas, years ago, and I made Daniel one when we became a family. They're one of my favorite Christmas traditions.

Clearly our cats are feeling the Christmas Spirit. Probably more than I am, but that's just the way it is right now.

Wesley thinks he's the third wise man. You can actually see that there are only two wise men in this picture. The reason for that has to do with the cat knocking one of them off to make room for himself.

Coming up in holiday business:

• any day now the results of my on-line shopping should start arriving.
• Rachel and Nathan are coming home from college tomorrow night!
  
• we're making gingerbread houses with Daniel's family and my family on Monday evening.
• the upcoming Christmas Eve party with the Brinkerhoff clan
• Christmas break from work. December 24th-January 4th. Can't wait!
  

One of the things they never tell you...

...about a miscarriage is how puffy your eyes get. Day after day. Another is how hopelessly depressing it is, and how nothing anybody says makes it even the slightest bit better.

I try not to be too negative on this blog, but this post is a downer. Much like my weekend was. Thanksgiving was good, but it went down hill that night, getting progressively worse and worse. I tried to keep on with life, hoping for the best, but by Sunday, my hopes were shattered, and Monday was a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day. I'm taking comfort in the love of family, and the hope of the future.

In my search for spiritual comfort and healing, I found a talk that was exactly what I was looking for. It's called "Finding Joy in Life" by Richard G Scott.

"The Lord is intent on your personal growth and development. That progress is accelerated when you willingly allow Him to lead you through every growth experience you encounter, whether initially it be to your individual liking or not. When you trust in the Lord, when you are willing to let your heart and your mind be centered in His will, when you ask to be led by the Spirit to do His will, you are assured of the greatest happiness along the way and the most fulfilling attainment from this mortal experience. If you question everything you are asked to do, or dig in your heels at every unpleasant challenge, you make it harder for the Lord to bless you."

I fully admit to having my heels dug deep. I wanted that baby. And I wanted it in June. I don't want to re-do an entire first trimester. I don't want to be afraid of getting pregnant again. But if this is what the Lord has decided will make me happiest. I'll try to be willing.

"Sadness, disappointment, and severe challenge are events in life, not life itself...No matter how difficult something you or a loved one faces, it should not take over your life and be the center of all your interest. Challenges are growth experiences, temporary scenes to be played out on the background of a pleasant life. "

As upset as I feel, I do have a pleasant life. Things will still be pleasant, and in time I'll feel happiness again. I'm grateful for the knowledge of this truth about happiness. It helps.

The rest of the story

Do you remember my perfect day?

I do.

Wicked was great, of course, and so was Seattle, but it was something else that really sealed the deal.

Early that morning, I woke with a suspicion, and my hopes were confirmed through a positive test.

We're having a baby, and so far all has gone well.

I had my first ultrasound yesterday, and it was an amazing moment to see our little baby and hear the heart beat. To be honest, I was completely skeptical that there could actually be a baby living in there, so yesterday was such a joyous relief. Pregnancy has been such a breeze compared to what I was expecting, so it didn't seem possible that it could be real. It is, and I've seen it. It has little arms and legs, and wiggly tendencies.

I couldn't be happier about this whole thing, and it's starting to feel a little more real. I know it's still early, but the news has started slipping out, and I have a feeling it's going to be hard to contain any longer (although I'm doing my best to keep it hush hush at work, till it's painfully obvious).

I am currently 10 weeks, and the last few weeks have been the longest of my life, yet at the same time, this means I'm already a quarter of the way done. It's an odd waiting game, knowing that there's really nothing you can do but be patient, yet feeling so invested with the desire to make sure everything is OK. Overall we just feel so blessed to have this opportunity, and excited about what is to come!

Twinkle Lights

Not very long after we moved into our current apartment (almost 2 years ago), Daniel surprised me with a chandelier above our dining room table. It's a nice little chandelier, and it provides a soft ambiance that makes our little place feel festive and cozy all in one. I love turning it on in the evenings as we're relaxing and enjoying our time together. Tonight, I finally thought to snap a picture of it. I love the way it glows and makes the room feel warm. The twinkle lights remind me that carving pumpkins is just around the corner, and then onto Thanksgiving, and how it's kind of almost time to start listening to Christmas Music.

Kind of a lame picture, but in person, it's magical and perfect for fall.

Things I like about Fall

I'm much more of a spring/summer person. I love the flowers in the trees, the warmth in the air, the days getting longer and longer...but, I've been reasonably open minded about this fall season, and so far it has not let me down.

So far I'm enjoying:

1. Pumpkin Pie
2. Crispy Crunchy Apples
3. Sweaters
4. Slippers
5. New Episodes of House
6. Going on walks and stepping on leaves
7. A trip to Seattle with my mom
8. Fall Decor (I'd really like to make a fall wreathe for my door...need to figure out how)
9. Planning Halloween Costumes
10. Cats in their Halloween costumes
11. Sugar cookies (it's almost time to break out my Halloween cookie cutters!)
12. Snuggling with blankets
13. Planning for Daniel's upcoming birthday
14. Anticipating the holidays that are just around the corner!

October 1.

Have you ever had a perfect day?

Did it look anything like this?

Wicked was a fabulous way to welcome October. I had a great day in Seattle with my mom, and now I'm ready for bed. I know it's not even 8:00 yet, but I'm beat. I only got a couple hours of sleep last night because of all the anticipation and now even though I'm fighting off a cold, I couldn't have had a better day!

Wicked

It's happening! I got Wicked Tickets. My mom and I are planning a day in Seattle on October 1st. We're going to the matinee which is perfectly priced, and also leaves time during the day for other Seattle activities. I hope to go to Pikes Place Market, and wander through all the little shops and booths. Hopefully there will be some fun fall displays and tasty treats. I can't wait to get away for a day, and enjoy some 'grown up girl bonding time'!

I think I'm going to be enjoying fall this year.

I Am.

I am...

Reading the Poisonwood Bible. I'm loving it. It is the book I have enjoyed the most for the book club that I'm in.

On a bit of a vegetable kick. I can't get enough peas.

Hopeful.

Trying to find things I love about fall.

Ready for 5:20.

Missing the long summer evenings when I could exercise outside.

Glad I spent most of the weekend outdoors.

So grateful for the sunshine.

Working on a couple very easy sewing projects.

Implementing daily scripture study.

Hoping to go see Wicked while it is in Seattle.

Listening to various soundtracks at my desk on my Zune.

Wearing my favorite work pants.

Using my autumn purse that matches my favorite red shoes.

Contemplating dinner...chicken pot pie, perhaps?

A Cozy Saturday Afternoon

A very relaxing, rainy Saturday afternoon was spent with
our newest favorite homemade pizza.

BBQ chicken, olives, pineapple and bacon tid-bits.

Warm and fresh from the oven with a SanPellegrino
Limonata.

and Wesley keeping an eye on me.

Next time you're all welcome to join us!

Mass of the Holy Spirit

Did I mention that I went to Mass today? Remarkably, it was my first Mass, after almost 2 years of employment with Saint Martin's. I enjoyed it from the back row. It was different than my usual Sunday Sacrament Meeting, but I thought it was really neat to see a little more of the religious side of my work environment. I always enjoy seeing the monks around campus during the day, so it was cool to see them more in their element. I love that all over the world there are good people who believe in Jesus Christ, and strive to live more like him. That was my take home lesson for the day.

Triathlon Post coming soon. I promise!

The Triathlon

I don't even really know what to say about it. It was hard. Really hard, and I can't believe I did it. My body amazed me. All summer I had been training for this, and now that I've done it, I don't feel a huge relief, or sense of great accomplishment. I just wish I had been able to do it better, faster, stronger. I guess that's why I'm doing another one. In 12 weeks. I'm sure I'll be wondering what I got myself into as this next one gets closer, but I love the training, (except at 7:30 on Saturday mornings...) and I need fitness goals.

My race started ok. I was really nervous about it, because I wasn't familiar with the course at all, but there was a great sense of anticipation/energy surrounding all the ladies I trained with. We were all in the same wave to start the swim. The water was much colder than the lake we'd been training in, and 'oops', they mapped the swim course wrong, so we ended up going twice as far as we'd been training for. At least now I know I can swim half a mile in a cold lake, and not only live to tell about it, but also follow it up with a 13 mile bike ride and a 5k run. (like I said, my body amazed me).

The biking wasn't too bad, and aside from a frightening asthma flare up, I did pretty well. It felt like the last half was continuously up hill. These were mostly gentle rolling hills that just seemed to keep coming and coming. One after another. After each hill, I convinced myself that "surely this is the last hill. This has to be the last one". I obviously survived, but I was very thankful for my inhaler at about mile 12.25.

As for the run, I just wanted to be done. I wanted to give up and get in the car and go home. During my transition from biking to running, I asked Daniel to take me home. I even threw some tears in for good measure. His answer was a resounding 'no'. Despite my protests, he figured I'd regret it if I quit 2/3rds of the way through. So he walked with me, and got me through my traumatic "this was a really embarrassing mistake phase" onto the rest of the race. I was able to run much more of the 5k than I thought I would. At that point, I was running to get done, not for speed. I have an idea that this aspect of the triathlon is much like child birth. The only way out is through it. I got through it, and I'm glad I did it. Someday I'll make a legitimate comparison of the two...

Enjoy some pictures...you know you love a short curvy triathlete in spandex!

The ladies I trained with

I'm the swimmer on the far left.

Yes, I wore a very un-athletic giraffe print tankini...with a sports bra underneath it.

still smiling after the swim

So there it is...the good the bad and the crazy!

“All I need is my one star in the sky, to wish for you everyday.”

My parents are on vacation. Their annual pilgrimage to their 'homeland' if you will. This year it's dropping Nathan and Rachel off at BYU, by way of Driggs, Idaho. I, as the oldest, married daughter, who is lucky enough to work during the summer get to keep an eye on their house and beloved poodle. Tonight, as I was driving home from shutting their house for the night, I opened the sun roof to enjoy some fresh air. Looking up at the dark starry sky overhead reminded me almost instantly, of a time a few years ago when my life was changing in a very real way.

About four years ago to the day, Daniel and I were just getting to know each other. One warm August night, before we were officially dating, we decided to drive out to the Saint Anthony sand dunes. Neither of us had been out there, and didn't quite know what to expect. We got there before it was dark, and there were a lot of people around, mostly with 4-wheelers etc. We decided to climb a dune, and watch for a while. From our vantage point we got a good show of people riding all over the dunes, but also, once the sun went down, we got an amazing starry sky. I remember sitting on the sandy hill, content to watch the stars with this new, fascinating boy. We barely knew each other, but already I knew there was something to him, and I wanted more. That night, we sat together, necks strained from looking up, chatting, laughing, and enjoying the stars. I remember wishing on a shooting star that night, hoping that I could have a chance to get to know him better. Hoping that this sweet, thoughtful, wonderful, funny boy could be mine. I'm happy to report, that I got my wish.

"I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so badly. "

I'd like to say a few words about my favorite movie. I like a wide variety of movies, and Daniel and I watch a lot of movies, but for over a decade now, it's been the same favorite. That favorite movie is full of wit, charm, humor and irony. Each time I watch it, I catch something new in it, and thank goodness it's one of the movies Daniel and I both enjoy. If any of you out there haven't seen You've Got Mail, do yourself a favor and enjoy it. If you have seen it, but it has been a while, you owe it to yourself to watch it again. It's worth it.

And now to wet your whistle, here are a couple of my favorite quotes from it.

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void."

"What will NY152 say today, I wonder. I turn on my computer. I wait impatiently as it connects. I go online, and my breath catches in my chest until I hear three little words: You've got mail. I hear nothing. Not even a sound on the streets of New York, just the beating of my own heart. I have mail. From you."

"When you read a book as a child, it becomes a part of your identity in a way that no other reading in your whole life does."

and last, one of my favorite interchanges from the movie:

Joe Fox: I think you'd discover a lot of things if you really knew me.
Kathleen Kelly: If I really knew you, I know exactly what I'd find: instead of a brain a cash register, instead of a heart a bottom line.
[gasps]
J F: What?
K K: I just had a breakthrough.
J F: What is it?
K K: I have you to thank for it. For the first time in my life, when confronted with a horrible, insensitive person, I knew exactly what I wanted to say and I said it.

J F: I think you have the gift for it. It was a perfect blend of poetry and meanness."

***

In other news, Daniel and I were released from our Primary and cub scouts callings today. I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty relieved about the cub scouts, but I will definitely miss the primary kids we teach. I am however looking forward to going to Relief Society next Sunday.

***

The Triathlon is on Saturday. I think I'm as ready as I'm going to be. The last two Saturday Mornings (way too early) I've been up doing practice Tri's. It was rainy yesterday morning, but it worked out pretty well. It isn't as painful to swim a 1/4 mile in a lake at 7:30 am, when the water is warmer than the air. Then, the rain didn't really make much of a difference on the bike, as I was already wet. The last part of the run was kind of uncomfortable since I was still wet, but not bad. I'll just say it was better than the previous week. Will post pictures of the actual event next weekend!

3 Years.

To Daniel:

"dulcissime, totam tibi subdo me"

Thanks for the greatest three years. I look forward to many more filled with "sunbursts of serendipity" and delightful surprises.